Thursday, May 1, 2014

This is our story now...

It’s been a long time since I have posted anything and to be honest, its cause I didn’t really know what to post. From outfit posts to food and our travels, nothing seemed to be that interesting to me. I know I created this blog as a way to show parts of my life that I enjoy and not share moments of sadness and trials. But I would be lying to myself and to anyone else that finds this blog that my life is only filled with great moments. It’s hard and yet weird for me to put into words what the past year has been for my husband and I as we are private people.  Many of our loved ones and close friends have known or heard of our struggles, as we as a couple are suffering from Infertility.  It has been two years full of trials. Feelings of frustration and most times, utter sadness.

             While most people (sometimes feels like everyone) do not know this struggle, there are people that know first hand at how difficult this is to go through. They understand how it consumes your thoughts, your conversations and very much your life. Those people and their blogs, are the ones that have helped me throughout our journey to become parents. Because of the people that have shared their private stories, I feel the hope & urge to share ours. Infertility is horrible, but it is part of us now.

            We currently have gone through two cycles of IVF (getting ready for round 3), with no outcome of becoming parents. There have been and continue to be days that I feel engulfed in sadness. Grieving the failed pregnancies and the loss of something you so strongly hope for. I cry at the end of the month with each negative pregnancy test and dread our disappointing doctors visits. There are times that I seem to not know how to stop thinking of how negative this experience is for us. So many tears, that you would not understand how they keep coming. Why us? What are we learning from this? Why are we going through this?

We have come to terms that our family is going to be made in an untraditional way. We may have some of our babies made in petri dishes, and seeing them first as graded embryos.  But both my husband and I also have strong feelings that our family may only be able to grow through someone else. Our children may come from someone special through adoption, with those children being meant for us all along.  

            I may not be a very religious person, but I do get great comfort in the many nights I spend on my knees praying to God for understanding and asking questions he would only be able to answer. Many quotes, scriptures, and people with understanding hearts have gotten me through my roughest days, giving me the strength to keep on with this fight. You hear the saying, that when it rains it pours. Well we have had a flood in our lives and know that we are still in the middle of our refiners fire. But we have the understanding and faith that we will come out as better people and better parents because of this experience. Sometimes these things we can’t change, end up changing us. 

We have decided that we are going to continue with IVF cycles until the odds are against us and start our process of adoption. We will continue our journey with hope on our side and find comfort in knowing we will soon be parents, as even we know miracles take a little time.

I ask you all with all my heart to please sign & support legislation to help offset the high costs for fertility treatments for all couples that have to go through this process to start their families

Click and sign below!